Can’t Contain It

June 6, 2008 - One Response

SO YEAH, I’M IN ANOTHER SERIOUS DRAMA. NOT. JUST LAST NIGHT, I WAS TRYING MY BEST TO BE IN MY PERFECT CONDITION. HAPPY, SMILING, JOYFUL, DESPITE THE FACT THAT I AM IN SUCH PAIN. PAIN DUE TO A HEARTACHE THAT I HAVEN’T OVERCOME YET. THEY SAID MOVING ON WAS EASY. EASY FOR THEM, BUT PAINFUL FOR ME.

YOU SEE, OUR SHELTERS ARE SUPPOSED TO BE CALLED OUR COMFORT ZONE. BUT I DON’T KNOW IF I’LL EVER CALL MINE WITH THAT. I MEAN, WHO LIKES TO LIVE IN A HOUSE THAT MAKES YOU CRY ALWAYS? THAT ALWAYS MAKE YOU HATE YOURSELF DESPITE YOU TRYING TO BE A GOOD DAUGHTER, SISTER AND HOUSEMATE. OUR HOUSE IS HELL. AND WHENEVER MY PARENTS CALLS MY NAME, I SHIVER AND I WHINE. BECAUSE WHENEVER THEY CALL ME, IT’S EITHER, THERE’S SOMTHING WRONG AGAIN (AND I GET TO BE BLAMED FOR ALL OF IT) OR TWO, ERRANDS THAT I’M SUPPOSE TO DO.

SOMETIMES I SAID TO MYSELF THAT I BETTER DO GO WITH MY COLLEGE SO AFTERWARDS I GET A JOB RIGHT AWAY AND I’LL FIND A HOUSE OR EVEN JUST A CONDO OF MY OWN. I CAN’T LIVE MY LIFE HERE FOREVER. THE MORE I LIVE HERE, THE MORE PSYCHOTIC AND CHAOTIC I GET.

Being a blacksheep ain’t a choice

May 22, 2008 - Leave a Response

Blacksheeps are cursed family members.

They definetely ruin the family or maybe, a pain-in-the-ass-family-member.

Right. But being a blacksheep ain’t a choice. It’s something given my nature.

How could I tell? Well, I, as a blacksheep tried my best to be a good daughter and a good sister. But sometimes, I just run out of luck and create bad things, create chaos, and my parents begin cursing me to death. Being a blacksheep isn’t because of personal attitude either. I guess I’ve done a couple of crazy things because I never felt that I belong. I always was the person to blamed inside the house whenever some shit happens. Even though it’s not my fault, I still get all the blame. They can’t blame me if I act as such. I am not even a rebel, but for them, I am.

I am not rebel because I dont smoke.

I don’t drink much.

I don’t even have a nightlife.

Just because i don’t always give them damn attention doesn’t mean I am a “rebel”.

But then again, BEING A BLACKSHEEP AIN’T REALLY A CHOICE. IT’S A CURSE.